Thank You, Jerk

Dear Nick,

I know we broke up like a week ago. And I know I said some really mean stuff to you. But I've been thinking a lot and I think I actually want to say thank you. You might not believe me, but I really mean that. Thank you.

I'm sure you're surprised to hear me say that because, well you know, you were a total and complete asshole to me. I don’t know whether or not you were pretended to be something you’re not when we first met, but I fell for you right away. You made me laugh. You cared about what was going on with me. You knew about everything: computers and cars, politics and sports, class rock and J-Pop. I wanted to be with you so badly I looked past all the dumb stuff you did. Up until you cheated on me. That even rose colored glasses couldn't fix.

But I digress. This is about me saying thank you. First of all, thank you for showing me how much of a jerk you really are early in the relationship. I don’t know where that kind, charming guy that asked me out went, but the guy I ended up dating was someone completely different. Honestly I was really upset that after 4 months of making excuses when you didn't do what you said you would, 4 months of taking more of an interest in your life than you took in mine, and 4 months of ignoring friends to hang out with you, you had the nerve cheating on me. How did I deserve that?! But then I realized, I've seen people not find out they're with a deadbeat until after they've been married for years. So in a weird way, you actually did me a favor by cheating on me now rather than later.

The second thing I want to say thank you about is something I learned from you. When I told people after we broke up about all the stuff that I was willing to do or put up with just to be with you they said that wasn't healthy. I didn't get that at first; I didn't think there is anything wrong with how I felt.  That was until someone reminded me that love is a two way street. No matter how strongly you felt about me, I would not have let you neglect your friends or miss class or skip work. I cared too much about you to let do something that might mess up your life like that. You, on the other hand, had no problem with me stopping nearly everything in my life just to do something stupid like sit in your dorm and listen to music. 

Now I get what they meant. What's unhealthy is not how I felt. What was unhealthy was that you didn't care enough about me to stop me from giving up a part of me. But what was even more unhealthy is that I actually did. I see now that that's not love. A wise man once said, "You know you're in love when you're willing to give up everything just to be with someone. You know they love you when they won't even let you consider it."

Ok fine, no one ever said that, I just made it up. Maybe I'm just naive and that's not even a real thing, but that's pretty much how I feel. It's ok to be head over heels for someone, but how I feel about someone is not more important than how I am treated by them. I don't have to put with crap from some guy just because I'm into him and I can't put the rest of my life on hold just for him. Thank you, because I never would have learned that without you.

I guess all in all, dating you was a good thing. I mean yes, I did experience heartbreak, but I found out you're really an asshole, I learned an invaluable lesson and I don't even have to hire a divorce lawyer! I'd say that's a net positive! Writing this letter has given me some closure and I'm really not even mad at you anymore. 

But it still could come back at any moment, so it's probably better for you if you don't talk to me. Ever.

Goodbye,
Caitlin