He Picked Up the Pen, Relieved
Here's an interesting thing I've found: identifying yourself as
a writer helps you become a writer. Well at least for me. I've
dissected every story I've heard ever since I began to see myself that way. I've sought out books and movies that
will help me develop characters or plot points for the books I'm working on.
And, probably more interesting to anyone that is not me, I've changed my
outlook on life.
I think how I got to this point is a common story. I was in high school. A senior. Before I knew it, graduation was around the corner. And everyone was asking me, "So. What are your plans?" I knew what that really meant: "What do you plan to do with your life?" Or at least that's how it seems. Answer well and they believe you're going to do something with your life. If your answer doesn't pass inspection, suddenly everyone is concerned you're not living up to your "potential". I imagine that for many people in high school who felt like they knew what they wanted to do, that was an easier question to answer. Med school. Finance. Find a job. All simple, acceptable answers.
It wasn't that easy for me though. I had no idea what I wanted to do. Yet and still, the question was asked time and time again. And if you've ever been in that situation, you know that the pressure to produce a better answer than "I dunno" is enormous. So I ended up in college, where I changed my major 5 or 6 times and never really felt happy. Nothing seemed to be a good fit. And I didn't do very well because my heart wasn't in it. Why get up at 8am to go to a class that will prepare you for a job you don't even want?
But I was there because I saw no alternatives. College is a time when you are supposed to "find yourself," to discover what you truly want. But all I did was stress about the bleak future I saw myself heading towards: working at a job I didn’t enjoy until it was time to retire. But all of that changed when I asked myself one question: What would I do if I knew I could not fail? I thought about this question for weeks, and then finally one day, while I was jotting down some ideas for a story idea I was kicking around my head, it hit me. I would write.
I would write novels and short stories and scripts and story lines for video games. I would write. I even thought back and realized I wrote constantly as a little child. I realized that all my interests in college were almost like preparation for writing a novel; psychology to help me develop characters, communication studies to add realist dialog, etc. And while school didn't motivate me, I was more than willing to spend time and money on writing classes on narrative time, setting and character development. I finally admitted to myself what I had been afraid to say: I wanted to be a writer. Man, how crazy that must sound. What are the chances I make decent money writing? How do I know if I'll ever get anything published? What if people think I'm wasting my time? What if I'm not a good writer?
My answer to those questions told me right away I was on the right track. It was simply, "I. Don't. Care." I feel like I have to write. So I decided to continue to work and devote my spare time to writing. And honestly, I've never been happier. I no longer feel a looming sense above me that I'm wasting my life away. I feel happy and productive when I finish a scene. Writing good dialog puts a smile on my face. I don't feel any pressure beyond my own to do well in my craft. Beyond that whatever happens, happens.
I think how I got to this point is a common story. I was in high school. A senior. Before I knew it, graduation was around the corner. And everyone was asking me, "So. What are your plans?" I knew what that really meant: "What do you plan to do with your life?" Or at least that's how it seems. Answer well and they believe you're going to do something with your life. If your answer doesn't pass inspection, suddenly everyone is concerned you're not living up to your "potential". I imagine that for many people in high school who felt like they knew what they wanted to do, that was an easier question to answer. Med school. Finance. Find a job. All simple, acceptable answers.
It wasn't that easy for me though. I had no idea what I wanted to do. Yet and still, the question was asked time and time again. And if you've ever been in that situation, you know that the pressure to produce a better answer than "I dunno" is enormous. So I ended up in college, where I changed my major 5 or 6 times and never really felt happy. Nothing seemed to be a good fit. And I didn't do very well because my heart wasn't in it. Why get up at 8am to go to a class that will prepare you for a job you don't even want?
But I was there because I saw no alternatives. College is a time when you are supposed to "find yourself," to discover what you truly want. But all I did was stress about the bleak future I saw myself heading towards: working at a job I didn’t enjoy until it was time to retire. But all of that changed when I asked myself one question: What would I do if I knew I could not fail? I thought about this question for weeks, and then finally one day, while I was jotting down some ideas for a story idea I was kicking around my head, it hit me. I would write.
I would write novels and short stories and scripts and story lines for video games. I would write. I even thought back and realized I wrote constantly as a little child. I realized that all my interests in college were almost like preparation for writing a novel; psychology to help me develop characters, communication studies to add realist dialog, etc. And while school didn't motivate me, I was more than willing to spend time and money on writing classes on narrative time, setting and character development. I finally admitted to myself what I had been afraid to say: I wanted to be a writer. Man, how crazy that must sound. What are the chances I make decent money writing? How do I know if I'll ever get anything published? What if people think I'm wasting my time? What if I'm not a good writer?
My answer to those questions told me right away I was on the right track. It was simply, "I. Don't. Care." I feel like I have to write. So I decided to continue to work and devote my spare time to writing. And honestly, I've never been happier. I no longer feel a looming sense above me that I'm wasting my life away. I feel happy and productive when I finish a scene. Writing good dialog puts a smile on my face. I don't feel any pressure beyond my own to do well in my craft. Beyond that whatever happens, happens.
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