The Wedding Ring

Dear Kendra,

You and I know each other better than anyone else does. At this point in our lives together we've talked about just about everything there is to talk about. We don't always agree, but we do always work things out. We've talked about if we will have kids, the only question now is what will we name them? We've talked about if we will stay in the city or move to the suburbs, the only question now is which suburb? We both now we'll get married, the only question now is what type of ring will you be getting?

And that's the reason why I'm writing this.  I know that you want a big, diamond ring. And the question I think you (and everyone else we know) is what will I get? I mean after all, I'm the man that thinks that diamonds are a scam.  They aren't rare at all. The amount available in the market is artificially suppressed to keep prices high. All awhile the media tells us that if a woman doesn't get a diamond ring, she isn't loved. The connotation is that money equals love, which is insulting to both of us and... well, you've heard this more times than either of us care to remember.  So it should come as no surprise to you that I got you a non-traditional, non-diamond ring.

And I found the perfect one. The band is white gold, with a rose colored gold setting.  The gem is a beautiful circle cut topaz. It shines so beautifully in the light. I think it's perfect. I had to buy it.  

But when I got it home, I had to ask myself if you would like it.  Like I said, we know each other better than anyone else does, so tried to imagine your reaction.  I would drop to one knee and reach into my pocket. You would feign a look of shock and flash your beautiful smile.  I can imagine your heart racing in anticipation as I open the box.  And, because I know you, I know that you wouldn't flinch at the sight of the topaz.  You'd just smile as I placed it on your finger and remark about how beautiful it is (it really is beautiful, I promise).  You would love it just the same because it's what I got for you.  And no, it might not be exactly what you wanted, but you would know that I went through a lot of trouble to find a ring we both can agree on.  Over time I know that you would form a bond with it because it's a sign of us. A sign of our love and our relationship.  No matter what, you would never be disappointed, never take it as a sign that I don't love you, and you'd defend me and my ring choice to whoever challenged it, simply because you love me.

And that's why I can't give you that ring.  How can I not give everything to a woman that supports me so wholeheartedly that she is willing to grow to love a ring that she doesn't think is perfect, a ring that is totally different than the one she dreamed of getting from the time she was little.  Yes, diamonds are a big deal for me.  But no matter what, making you happy is bigger.  You're a rare and special woman, Kendra.  And I love you for you, and that means everything about you, not just for the parts that I philosophically agree with.  So I don't want to give you want I think you should have. To me, that would just symbolize that I don't accept you, or that I want to change you. Instead, I'm going to give you, the woman I love, what you want.

I'm writing this because I know that you probably expected me to pop the question during our date last night since I've been dropping hints constantly.  I didn't want you to feel confused or disappointed. I just wanted to say I'm not going to ask you yet. I can't. I had to take my ring back. And I wont be proposing until I find the right ring. The ring you deserve.

Love,

Howard